Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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