but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I need moral support for this bender
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize