I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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