so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
