we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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