I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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