My girlfriend figured out who you are.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
