i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
