So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
