The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
