well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
