just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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