She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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