dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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