I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
