im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
