Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
