a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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