nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
