There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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