And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
