How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
