My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
