I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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