I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
