I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
