Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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