Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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