Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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