I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
