one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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