so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
