Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
