girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
