no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
