Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
