Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
