i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
