i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I could make wine with my vomit
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
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I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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