I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
