We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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