Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
you never un-have a 4some
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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