Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
