Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
