Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
