so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
