Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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