yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
