I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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