i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
