So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
