fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
