I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
