Duck Duck Cougar?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
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