yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Another day, another engagement, another cat
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
In other news, I just burned my penis
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
