he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
