Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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