i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
