Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
