I wish i was in the wii world.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
