Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
my being single is dangerous.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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