Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
