I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
