a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
